Mom-trepreneur Of The Year

I know I have been away a while. Especially After my first post I'm sure I had people waiting in jaw dropped suspense. Im sorry if you were offended, or appalled... Just kidding, I don't really care that much! I will try to filter the cuss words a bit... but, If my sense of humor catches you off guard, don't read it!  Call your bestie and bitch about me. Because in reality, you people should stick together and I'll hope you guys find a new modest blog to be inspired by. I'm sure they won't be nearly as funny. This blog is meant for those with a similar sense of humor and spice for life. Giving you an inside scoop on how my mind works. Even if I deny it, I LOVE to hate my job. The wonderful clients are what keep me in the business.  The bad clients we just tolerate because we have to. (or because they tip well)

So after I made my first post, I sat at home on my deck two bottles of wine in. Wondering if I made a mistake when I pressed submit. But then I talked to my better half, my main squeeze, my hot as hell baby daddy. (Like, we're talking smokin hot) and he gave me some important advice that inspired me to hop on the blogging band wagon again. He's a fucking saint, but he always backs me... Whether it is to start a business, or a family, or to submit a post full of insults and profanity. So you guys all have him to thank. Especially da #haterzzzz. Haha suck it, because I'm back!

*insert raging crowd applause* 

I'm a mom to a toddler, a business owner, a girlfriend, a best friend and a daughter. Being a working mom is incredibly hard. I like to refer to myself as a mom-trepreneur . It's damn hard. Every single day. I dont think I would do it again if I had a redo. #realtalk Although I love the high owning my own business gives me, its hard to decide if the battle uphill is worth it.  Especially when I want to make sure my baby girl grows up to be a smart, confident woman.  I suppose im giving her a pretty bad ass example to follow. Fingers crossed she goes on to be a brain surgeon or something .... and not a potty mouth aesthetician. 

                             

My day starts at around 7am.  Here's a snap shot of how my morning usually goes. 

7:00 - I wake up to Elizabeth Grace Moore scream-singing "Let it go" (Go to hell Elsa) 

7:02- Roll over and pull blankets over my ears and want more sleep

7:06 -  I've dozed off - Open my eyes and my kid is mere milimeters from my face "MOMMMM! I need pankcakes with sprinkles..."

7:07 - tickle fight with kid

7:08 - change my shirt due to urine soaked child tickle fight

7:10 - change toddlers gross pull up and bedding 

7:15 - realize child is lost 

7:25 - found lost child elbow deep in my makeup 

7:30 - wipe down make up covered child

7:42 - prop up iPad in front of kid in kitchen

7:44 - change show, kid hates bubble guppies today regardless of LOVING it for the past month and a half 

7:45 - find NEW suitable show

7:55 - Show is suitable

8:00 - feed kid breakfast (Cheerios and gummy bears as per request) keep kid happy

8:35 - get dressed, makeup, pack for day 

8:36 - Hear bang followed by dripping liquid

8:40 - wipe down cheerio, milk and gummy bear covered iPad 

8:45 - continue to pack and get ready for day... realize I only have mascara on one eye.

8:50 - wrestle kid away from iPad 

8:54 - chase kid with cute outfit 

9:00 - get cute outfit half on kid

9:05 - kid peed a little on cute outfit (fuck)

9:10 - late for work, put mismatched princess outfit with batman cape on kid... And high tops. Kid is happy.  

9:17 - put kid in car, forgot juice... Go get juice. Forgot magic wand, go get magic wand. Forgot stuffed nemo, go back and get. fucking. nemo. 

9:20 - twenty minutes late, arrive at daycare 

9:22 - drop screaming, sad kid off at daycare with people who have better things to do

9:32 - get back in car, sweaty ... Crying because of sad kid

9:33 - I need a smoke

9:35 - google new daycares (sneak smoke)

9:40 - late for work, skip coffee and inhale breakfast. 

9:45 - arrive at work...exhausted and ready to go home to bed. 

..... Let the day begin *big cheesy smile*

"Good morning! What do you have in mind for nail art today!"

To all of you who get to enjoy a hot coffee in the morning ... Go to hell. I envy you. I have an amazing life and an amazing kid and a SUPERMAN of a baby daddy by my side. Bla Bla Bla... But holy shit running a kid and a business all at once is exhausting. I reheat my damn coffee seven times every morning!  By the time I actually get to work to paint your nails I am exhausted and emotionally drained. (AND ITS ONLY NINE (or ten) AM!!!) The last thing I want is to put a happy face on and listen to you. I wish more people could understand how crazy life is running a business. BUT ... by the end of my first client, I get this rush of happy. My clients give me a happy boner. I'm not kidding... A raging hard on of love for you guys. *boing!* This is how I can tell that I am truly where I need to be in my life.  When I question what I do for a living I am reassured by the feeling I get when I leave work at the end of the day.  Satisfied and content. Sort of like that feeling after an orgasm... Like, "man my legs and back are tired and hurt and im wobbly and confused and tired but i'm exhilirated and free and I WANT TO CLEAN THE HOUSE!!! ... *self high five* man, that was great!" ...... You know, that sort of feeling...? no? ...ok, I digress. 

Unfortunately some clients don't realize that when we are five minutes late for your appointment it's usually for a good reason. Yes, sweetheart... We realize your appointment was for one o'clock and NOT one fifteen. Trustttt me we get it. But sometimes it's just virtually impossible to do it all. I do wonder how some girls do it though. (Single moms #FTW) One thing that I hope clients take away from this blog is to please respect your nail tech.  They have lives as well, they are not just a fixture in your life to make your nails pretty. Although we are really damn good at it. ;) On that same note, nine times out of ten when we are running behind it isnt because of anything personally related.  Its because of other clients! We work so hard to make sure you are happy but all it takes is one gal to run late 

"OMIGAWDDDD im so sorry traffic was bad, and i got a flat tire, and I stubbed my toe, and my daughter barfed everywhere" ...... ya cool story bro. 

See? Its not always US that are the cause of your late appointment.  Everyone is busy, and everyone has a story.  Why is it a "thing" to take it out on your poor aesthetician?! Blame it on the broad that sauntered in ten minutes late to her appointment without excuse before your appointment! I'm gonna start handing out numbers from now on.  

So story time.... This time its about ME! 

Recently I have gone through a few of the hardest months of my entire life.  I have felt like my business was crashing, literally crumbling beneath my feet. My house was a mess and out of control, my weight has skyrocketed and I feel like a big ol' hot mess.  But you see, what happens when you hit the bottom is you either allow yourself to sink, or you bounce back. Thankfully my support system (mom, dad, boyfriend, daughter, best friends) Wont let me sink.  They make my problems their problems just so that I dont have to go through them by myself.  They have picked my sorry ass up when I felt my worst and made me push harder.  They also let me cry... facetimes late at night wine drunk and crying. What I did was I took a vacation. I needed it, badly.  So after spending a week on a beach in the carribean with my handsome babydaddy I feel happy... I have finally found my happy again! And it feels wonderful!! Can I tell you how amazing it feels to filter out the bad peope from your life (and business) and start fresh. Its unreal.  

                                          

So I guess what I will sum this blog post up with is: some times people don't like what I have to say, and that is perfectly fine! My filter... Or lack there of leaves not much to be desired. I like to lay it all down on my nail table - so to speak. Sometimes my words get the best of me. Buttttttt the good news is: if you don't like it, there are a ton of different social media outlets you can peruse. (ya nosey bugger) Explore your options! Because this mom-trepreneur has a lot to say.  Some good, some bad and some just plain ugly.  I'm gonna keep rollin em out until the internet shuts me down. 

g'night! 

Bull Shit Tastes Best When Coated With Sugar

aes·the·ti·cian

ˌesTHəˈtiSHən/

noun

noun: esthetician

1. 1.

   a person who is knowledgeable about the nature and appreciation of beauty, especially in art.
2. 2.

   a beautician.

   
   

"I love my Esthetician, she gives amazing facials. My Esthetician does the full Sphynx including ass hairs, I love it. Who is your Esthetician, your make-up is beautiful."

Yup, you read that quote right. We wax ass hairs. I know, I know... you are thinking: "What the hell kind of normal human would willingly get face to face with the notorious pink starfish??" Your beautiful, hard working esthetician, thats who. We get knuckle deep in face creams, boiling hot wax, and stinky pedicure water (Ya, that shits gross) all for you... But hey, all in a days work! Right? We love our job, we honestly do. We wouldnt change it for the world.  Unless we won the lottery...in that case PEACE BITCHES!!!!

Let me paint a picture for you... (referencing the esthetician definition, ya'll know I know my shit about art) Let the picture painting commence: You book your appointment for your nails, we gladly book you in our already packed tight schedule.  You know this already though... you've struggled to get your appointment in last minute the last ten appointments!!! But.... I digress. We book you in, using our most polite phone voice:

"Absolutely doll! Ill get you in at noon tomorrow!" 

...No problem, I didn't want to eat lunch this week anyway. I live to book your nail appointment over my lunch. Because you know, you have a "thing" this weekend! Yeah, I get it... I have a "thing" too... ITS CALLED ANOREXIA!!!!! I'm fucking starving over here. *I put down the phone* My tummy growls with my current client that booked over my lunch today. 

"Oh hunny, you must be hungry! Go grab a bite, I can wait! I have time!"

 .......Oh?....YOU have time, yes. well, I don't. I COULD technically go grab a bite, then smell like onions and garlic for your entire appointment, struggle to find gum, chug some water to cover the smell... (God I want a cigarette) then run late for my next five appointments. Ya, no problem, i'll just go grab a quick bite. Totally worth it.  Trust me, its not worth it. We prefer to chew on our Tim Hortons breakfast sandwich and re heat it all day. Clearly, we are  suckers for punishment.  (thank you to those who offer though <3) 

"Oh no thanks! I had a big breakfast, I can wait!" *Big cheesy smile*

Back to filing....

Nail art? ...Yes of course you want nail art. Honestly, I love nail art. Im seriously really good at it. Like queen bee of nail art. Flowers, stripes and something pinkish green yellow and green blue? (not the blue blue, because that shit clashes with your skin tone... we all know that) Let me check my stash. Neon, glitter...oh DEFinitely glitter. Who doesnt love glitter?! I would honestly put glitter in my coffee if my digestive system would accept it willingly. I love glitter.  But if you ask for ten fingers worth of aggressive nail art and then get antsy because im running late and YOU have a tanning appointment to get to - You madame can go straight to hell.  Shut up while I draw your husbands name on your pinky finger.  "hold still please" *Big cheesey smile* You know they say that a person with true tact can tell a person to go to hell and make them look forward to the trip. I can say that there arent many more people other than your sweet as pie nail tech that can do this. We are completely capable of transforming like a chamelion on a client by client basis.  Maybe this is why most women feel the need to vent so freely to us. Trust me, honey. We are built like a fucking vault. I would honestly never tell your bestie that you are sleeping with her baby daddy. Besides... who gives a shit? (Well, probably her to be honest. You really need to tell the girl!!) 

1-800-CALL-MAURY

Speaking of gossip locked like a vault. *Vault unlocking noise* I have a juicy one for yas... You better damn well keep a secret too!! Got it? ok. (*all stories told may or may not be fictional, I have a wild imagination similar to that of a three year old on acid. Names will be changed to protect the ego and marriages of those involved*)

This one time, I was working at a salon that had a few nail tables in one room. I had a client that wanted to come in to treat herself to a new set of nails. She had this new boyfriend. (Awww cute) Yeah, the sweet heart just wanted to treat her man right. Nails done, hair done - shes a brand new woman off to strut her stuff to her new fella like a peacock in heat. Feathers fanned out and all. 

"Best of luck doll! I'm sure he will love them! Ps, dont forget to shave your lady-gina!! You no-showed your waxing appt last week!" ....Bitch.  ;) 

Off she goes... meanwhile a sweet ("happily" married) regular comes in for her nail appt to the gal sitting near by. She needs to add nail art to impress her husband who has seemed to be loosing intrest in the bed room. If ya know what I meannnnnnn (bow chicka wow-wow is loosing its wow-wow) She gets a french manicure, adding a bit of length and a pretty gem for some bling. Shes a classy gal. 

-I think you can see where this is going-

Some time passes, we're talking a couple of appts here. My home girl is falling further in love with her new boyfriend who (according to her) was completely unmarried. Wooing her with flowers and oral in the afternoon on his lunch break.  While the woman who was getting her nails done for her unfaithful piece of shit husband was failing at her plot to win back his romance. Her afternoons were spent jotting down names of divorce laywers and the best online dating sites.  Eventually the two nail girls caught on to the scenario and quickly realized what was falling into place right before our nail dust blurred eyes. Wifey eventually stopped getting her nails done, as did the mistress. I'm only assuming to compensate for the high cost of child support... divorce ensued.  I can only assume a messy one.  I secretly hoped wifey would take him for half, win the custody battle, move into a cool condo and live happily ever after.......and the mistress would catch chlamydia from the new pool boy.  

This is the type of shit we deal with on a weekly basis. Pretty deep, huh? 

So please, for the love of baby jesus... next time your esthetician appears to be stressed. Understand that she probably has the weight of a million pounds worth of heavy gossip sitting in her poor brain. Give the broad a break. 

Well, this is all for now from your beloved Nail Tech. Stay tuned for weekly posts from me. Homegirl needs an outlet to vent. If you find this post offensive in any way shape or form I would love to hear your feedback. I will gladly get back to you and edit my posts to your liking promptly when pigs fly, or hell freezes over or bacon becomes disgusting. Send all inquiries to: justkiddingiwontreply@fuckoff.com 

xox